


Compunction

by Celandine



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: Angst, Drama, Ficlet, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-11
Updated: 2010-02-11
Packaged: 2017-10-12 08:23:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/122874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celandine/pseuds/Celandine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What chance is there that Severus will forgive such a thing?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Compunction

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nehalenia](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=nehalenia).



"How could you do it, Sirius?" Remus was pale. His voice shook as he repeated, "How _could_ you?"

"It was just a _joke_ , Moony." Sirius's voice was sullen, and he scowled. "The nosy git was sneaking around trying to figure out where you disappeared to each month. He _deserved_ a good scare, and anyhow, Dumbledore has already reamed me out thoroughly and threatened to expel me, so anything you say can hardly be worse."

Peter watched silently from the corner as Remus rounded on James. "And I suppose _you_ had no idea of trying to _stop_ him from taking S-Snape to see the werewolf, rather than rescuing him afterward?"

"That's not fair, Moony. I didn't know he was going to do it until they were already down in the tunnel."

"Well, you _should_ have." Remus glared at them all and spoke bitterly. "Don't _any_ of you understand? After all these years? When I'm in wolf form, I'm _dangerous_. I could quite easily have killed him – and then you wouldn't just be under threat of expulsion, Sirius, you'd _be_ expelled and standing before the Wizengamot, I'd be in 'protective confinement', and Snape would be dead, dead, _dead_."

He turned his back to them and took a few steps away, shaking, his fists clenched.

"Moony," Sirius began in a subdued voice, but James interrupted him.

"Leave him be for now. Come on."

Remus heard them leave and the door snick shut behind them. He flung himself down on his bed and try to breathe deeply, to relax.

He'd come so close to killing Severus. Even now he shuddered at the memory, partial and half-nightmarish as it was. He never recalled much of his time as a wolf, only enough to be aware that he had no conscious control over his actions then. Sirius had been reasonably safe, since he could transform himself into Padfoot at any moment, but it would have been so easy for Remus to have bitten out Severus's throat.

Resolutely he got up, washed his face, and went to look for Severus to apologize, little good though he thought it would do.

"I'm busy." When Remus found him in the library, Severus didn't even look up from the parchment on which he was writing in his fine cramped hand. "Bugger off, Lupin."

Remus hesitated for a few moments, but Severus continued to ignore him, only a twitch of muscle in one cheek indicating that he registered Remus's presence at all. Finally Remus sat down at the next table and pretended to be studying for Transfiguration, all the while watching Severus.

When ten o'clock came and the library closed, Severus swept his things into his bag and strode past Remus as if he weren't there. Remus couldn't blame him.

Nevertheless he persisted for the entire next week, following Severus wherever he could without being too obvious to anyone else. Severus always repeated, "I'm busy," once, and then ignored Remus after that, no matter how long he stayed. At last Remus decided to write him a letter instead. He devised a charm that would ensure that Severus could not put down the parchment until he had read the entire message. It was a bit of a dirty trick, but by now Remus was desperate.

_Dear Severus,_

_I can't tell you how sorry I am for not having trusted you with the knowledge of my condition. I can only offer in explanation that Professor Dumbledore made me promise to keep silent about it when I first entered Hogwarts; James, Peter, and Sirius figured it out for themselves, I did not tell them. But since we found each other, you and I, I should have realized that you would want to know everything about me that you could, and would search for answers if I refused to provide them. I truly regret Sirius's actions. I cannot apologize for him, of course, only for the fact that my decision to continue deceiving you enabled him to put your life in jeopardy. I hope very much that you will find it easier to forgive me than I do to forgive him._

_I miss you. Not just kissing and all the rest of it, but simply being with you, knowing that we care for each other despite the odds. Please give me another chance. I love you._

_Remus_

He went down to the kitchens and asked one of the house-elves to put the letter on Severus's bed. He didn't want to risk Severus reading it anywhere in public, since he would have to do so as soon as he opened the envelope.

The next day he went as usual to the library during his free period for study in the afternoon, and found Severus at the table the other boy preferred.

"Severus?"

"I'm busy," Severus said, but this time he looked at Remus, his dark eyes unreadable. "But you can study with me if you want, Lupin."

Warmth spread through Remus's body and he quickly sat next to Severus. "I want," he said.

**Author's Note:**

> For nehalenia, a gift from r_grayjoy.


End file.
